Life with Gina

This is where I blog now....

2006-07-17T17:17:00.000-07:00

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile.html;_ylt=AoHztUPh1RrorWcfQuE9KY60AOJ3

2006-07-08T13:00:00.000-07:00

Simple Pleasures

2006-06-09T21:27:00.000-07:00

These were growing in my yard... some call them weeds I call them beautiful. People work their whole lives to make hybred roses ... when nature left to her own devices shows them up every time....

Spring and dancing in the flowers....

2006-03-21T12:46:00.000-08:00

Well it is officially Spring, what does Spring mean to you?

I thought about this for a while, I love this part of the year… things are new and fresh… there is the promise of life all around us.

The crack of the bat and a fresh new season
Little fuzzy yellow chicks
Easter Sunday morning and Easter eggs
The smell of the grass after the first cut of the season
The feel of the sun on my face
The white blossoms on the pear trees
The chirps of the baby birds
The newborn baby calves
Cooking outside
Longer shadows
Bluebonnets and Indian paint brushes
Tulips and Irises
Deep Blue skies and high fluffy clouds

All of these things are a rite of spring to me but…..

Yesterday driving home from the gym, I had the top down on the car and the wind was all around me, the sun was warm, and the music was loud and I haven’t felt that alive in sooo long… THAT is what spring really means to me…. Coming through a long dark, cold, time, and getting into the warm, bright sunlight and feeling ALIVE. Knowing that Spring always follows winter … we just have to wait it out…..

What do you do

2006-03-17T10:31:00.000-08:00

When you have no inspiration? I don't mean just in writing but in life in general. I am tired and frustrated, and at least for today I can't see around it. I try really hard to be an inspiration to others, to write honestly and hopefully. I have lost the inspiration....

For those that are aware of my quilting addiction...

2006-02-25T16:52:00.000-08:00

This is the block I will enter in a local quilt block contest.It is called Rosebud. I don't think I will win as I am still a new quilter compared to many, and I do not design my own, I like the old traditional blocks. I thought I would share with you guys though.

They don't make them like him anymore

2006-02-23T15:28:00.000-08:00

He sits in the chair, his blue eyes still bright and seeking to learn. His hair is white with time. His body is aware of the passing years. This man is beloved. He is my grandpa, he is not mine by blood, he is mine by love. Love is stronger than blood.

This man who has seen so much, and done so much, fascinates me to no end. He saw his father lose his fortune and their lives change dramatically. He saw World War II up close and personal, on the front lines, in demolition. He saw his buddies left on the ground at Leyte. He and his company earned the Presidential Citation Award while there. He was wounded and received the Purple Heart and the Bronze Star. He steadfastly maintains that he is not a hero, that they men that gave all are the heroes.

He was seen children and grandchildren and even great grandchild grow up. He has seen the world change in some many ways. He is wise and loving, life's disappointments didn't leave him hard. He worked hard and was a valued employee, retiring from the same company after many, many years.

He has seen the passing of his wife and many of his siblings and he knows that they wait for him in Heaven.

He tells his life in his stories that he tells me, and I can not get enough. I have learned a lot through his stories. He and my Grandma were married their whole adult lives and loved each other in a way that left no doubt that they were devoted to each other.

I am richer than love brought him into my life. I love you Grandpa.

I went to the Animal fair...

2006-02-20T06:50:00.000-08:00

I went to the zoo the other day. I love the zoo, I could spend days there. They have a huge aviary that you can go in and the birds are all loose and you can buy food and they will perch on you and eat from your hand. I saw the flamingoes and the rhinos, marveling at God’s design. Animals as beautiful and amazing as they are, are not God’s crowning creation. We are. I do not for one second think that we are descended from animals in any way, but there are things that we do that echo through the animal kingdom.

I spend a long time watching the beautiful lioness above. While they are not in the picture with her, she is the mother of 4 5-month-old cubs… 3 girls and 1 boy. They were completely adorable playing the same games that my cats at home play. At one point one of the cubs ran up behind the lioness and bit her on the leg… she swatted at him and then he chased her tail. It was really sweet.

As more people showed up though she corralled them, protecting them in the only way that she could in her confinement. She was a good mother. I got thinking about how it would be for them in the wilderness that would be their natural home. I thought about how hard it would be to protect them there. There are so many predators there, just waiting to take them, she must be on guard every single second. She would be willing to lure the danger away to protect her young, to ensure that they lived and grew up, even if it meant that she would not survive. That is the way that God made her, and other females. I believe that God made human females that way too.

We are given the heart of the lioness, the fierceness of the lioness with her young, and the innate need to see that our children live to adulthood and to be the best people that they can be. She does all that she does without one second of hesitation, it is born in her.

My daughter is grown now and able to take care of herself, is in fact old enough to have children of her own but yet I would still to this day become the lioness in a heartbeat for her. One day I will watch her as she does the same thing, just as God designed….

Joy comes in the morning...

2006-02-08T11:06:00.000-08:00

She went to bed that night, and all was well in her world. She snuggled down in the sheets and began to relax and breathe deeply. She drifted off to sleep. A few hours later she was jarred awake by the wind, it was so strong that it was rattling the windows. Then the thunder … so loud and right on top of her. She was scared, she snuggled deeper into the covers. The rain began suddenly, hard and heavy with huge drops that beat against the glass and the roof. The lightening would flash and light up her room just enough to show all the shadows, the things that she feared the most.

The storm raged on and on. Finally the fear drove her to the window to look at this tormentor. She could see the wrath of God in dark. God felt so far away, she wondered why he had left her. She felt alone and desolate, she began to cry. She tried to pray, something that had given her strength in the past. She felt that her prayer went no further than the ceiling. Weary and broken she crawled back into bed, pulling her cat with her for a small measure of comfort. She stroked and talked to the cat as the storm finally wore itself out and began to die down. Finally she feel asleep.

She awoke the next morning tired but grateful to have made it through the night. She got dressed for the day and headed for the door. She was afraid to open it for a minute because of the storm she was afraid to see the devastation that had happened. She took a deep breath and opened the door. Debris was scattered across her and a few shingles were gone, but all in all not too bad… Just as she was leaving out of the corner of her eye she saw the two bunnies that call her yard their home… in a soft voice her only in her heart she heard… ...Weeping may endure for a night, but Joy Comes in The Morning.

The sun was shining as she got into her car and headed out to face the day, knowing that she was never really alone….

Glimpses of Heaven

2006-02-07T09:27:00.001-08:00

I will start out by saying that I believe in God, I belive in Heaven and I believe in Hell. I believe that these are things that are based on Faith. However I do believe that God in his wisdom does allow us glimpses of Heaven, and you only have to watch the news to see glimpses of Hell.

I do see glimpses of Heaven ... on most days... and they seem to be the days when I need to remember that this is not my home. I believe that we see Heaven in a new babies face, so fresh and new and untouched by the world. I believe we can see God's power in the Spring thunderstorms ... the thunder and lightening. I believe that for me I can see God in my pets ... the are so peaceful and trusting. I believe that you can hear Heaven in a child's laugh or a Sunday choir, or in the silence of the morning.

The strongest glimpse of Heaven I ever got was last year when my Dad died. He (I believe)saw his mother and father and brother who had all gone before him. He talked to them ... and LOOKED at them. He was reaching up and touching something over his bed... he never really knew what. Now, I know that a lot of people think it is the brain dying, or hallucinations... but I am here to tell you that at least this time it was not. My father's room was a holy room that night. I do believe that there were presences there, you could feel them.

I belive that in our hour of the strongest need God is there. He sends his angels, or he sends you comfort in whatever way he sees fit. Now you can scoff if you want, but I will always believe that that night I saw Heaven... and I KNOW my Daddy did.

What I feed company

2006-02-01T06:48:00.000-08:00

Inspired by Polly's recipe for what she feed those she loves I have decided to copy her.

I feed those I love Gumbo.

Boil a chicken or several chicken breasts. Remove the chicken and keep the broth, remove the chicken from the bones.

You make a roux from oil and flour, cooking it in a big cast iron skillet over med heat until a rich walnut color. Then you add several chopped green onions and cook them in the roux until soft.

With a whisk you add the roux to the boiling broth. Add parsely, cajun seasoning and hot sauce to taste. Add back in the chicken, add some smoked sausage and shrimp and simmer over a low heat for a couple of hours, stirring occasionally.

Serve over rice.

Yumm!

What doesn't kill us

2006-02-01T02:42:00.000-08:00

Puts us in the hospital longer...

LOL I heard that the other day and thought it was amusing, and summed it up pretty well.

Reality

2006-01-27T08:45:00.000-08:00

I am not sure that there is a more final moment than when you look at a new gravestone. You know on one level that the person is gone, but there is something about seeing the name and dates in stone that makes it so very real.

This week I went back to the place were my parents lived and I went out to the cemetery for the first time since I buried my Daddy. I was there for the funeral, I went back before I left and saw the grave covered with flowers. I thought that I had accepted it then.

Yesterday I walked up and saw the granite with his name carved in it and the cold finality of it hit me so hard. That I would never again see him or talk to him this side of heaven. Oh, I talked to him there at his grave, but he isn't there. I am lucky I KNOW where he is and I WILL see him again. However I am here and he is there and I miss him.

I told him all the things that had happened since he died, that I had lost a child and that things in my life were very different. This was for my benefit not his. I believe that he plays with my child and that he knows what is good that happens to me.

I walked around behind the stone to read the back and it has Daddy to Beth, Gina, Jami and Pam and he was a Daddy not just a Father. I am so thankful that he is walking with the Lord now and not in pain here on Earth. I look forward to the time when I can walk with them.

For where your treaures are there your heart will be also....

Showers of Blessings

2006-01-23T13:03:00.000-08:00

Yesterday it RAINED! For hours it was gray and wet and chilly, and it was wonderful! We have waited for months for a nice rain.

Now that one day of rain doesn't fix a year of drought, but it helps. It gives the firefighters a day of rest and a good nights sleep ... heck maybe even two.

So much like our lives we go so long without love or understanding we become dry and hard and unyielding. We shut out those near to us and we suffer. It is much like the weather in that the ridge sets up and no rain can get to us... neither can love, or compassion.

When the ridge finally shifts and we get the lifegiving rain we drink it up, we want to just drown in it. Same with love... we can't get enough.

Thing is same as with the drought... we all need a steady supply of love and compassion to keep us green, and growing.

I hope to be a rain giver to someone today.

Stress relief

2006-01-21T16:21:00.000-08:00

I quilt to relieve stress. This is the second quilt top I have done this month. Did I mention that my sister and her two kids are living with me at the moment?

By the way this is called a Ribbon Quilt.

Drought

2006-01-18T01:15:00.000-08:00

My lawn has cracks 3 inches wide. My grass is crisp and brown, and not because it is January. The wind howls non stop everyday and has for almost 6 weeks. The sky is endlessly blue and there is not a cloud in sight. The temperature is in the mid to upper 70’s.

Today is a carbon copy of the last 6 weeks. Everyday we turn on the 5 o’clock news to see where the wildfires are today. If we see smoke we panic. When we drive down the highway we see large patches of burnt land. Tree and plants are only skeletons now.

Countless people have lost their homes; many people have been hurt. The fire departments are all exhausted and stretched beyond their limits.

We are had been under a burn ban for an entire year and have now been declared a disaster area.

How many more people must pay for carelessness? How many for people must lose all they own because some idiot threw a cigarette butt out the window? How many more people must get burned because someone thinks they are the exception to the burn ban?

Lake Bridgeport is over 11 feet under-level now and there is no possibly for rain in the near future. Last year was one of the driest years on record. We all wonder when it will end, when we will get that drenching rain that we so desperately need.

We pray it will be soon.

OMG this is hysterical!

2006-01-17T19:11:00.000-08:00

Your Stipper Song Is

My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas

"Whatcha gonna do with all that junk
All that junk inside that trunk.
I'ma get get get get you drunk
Get you love drunk off my hump "

You get a lot more than Seven jeans for your humps.

What Song Should You Strip To?

Hey your chocolate is in my peanut butter!

2006-01-16T19:49:00.000-08:00

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Very popular, one of you is not enough.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

The fabric of life

2006-01-12T07:53:00.000-08:00

I am a quilter. I love fabrics of all kinds and as most quilters do, I hoard fabric. This we call our stash... sounds like an addiction doesn't it. Well in fact it is in a way. I have a part of my bedroom that looks like a fabric store.

The other day while looking through my fabrics to begin a new quilt, I was revisiting some of my past purchases. I realized that I have some fabrics that I will never use. At the time I bought these fabrics I thought them worthy, either for their beauty or for their color schemes. However now with the passage of time and more experience with quilting under my belt I realize they need to be let go.

As I seperated the good from the not so good I couldn't help but think about the parallel with some other things in my life. I think I need to look back at some of the decisions I made and some of the things that are still in my life. Some things fit in well and make a lovely quilt or life, some do not.

I hope that I have the wisdom to keep what is worthy and let go that which is not.

Ok OK

2006-01-10T18:28:00.000-08:00

So I don't REALLY hate men. However they do make things hard sometimes.

Men always say that they don't understand women, well I am here to tell you that that street goes both ways. Men are a mystery to me too.

Why are the quiet?
Why can't they vocalize their feelings?
Why are they so serious?

There are lots of questions really. I guess that the facination with each other and trying to figure each other out was a part of God's plan to get us together. As least on my part the good Lord knows I HAVE to have an answer for everything and am very persistant until I get it.

Happy New Year!

2005-12-31T21:42:00.000-08:00

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne?

CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup of kindness yet,
For auld lang syne!

And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp,
And surely I'll be mine,
And we'll tak a cup o kindness yet,
For auld lang syne!

We twa hae run about the braes,
And pou'd the gowans fine,
But we've wander'd monie a weary fit,
Sin auld lang syne.

We twa hae paidl'd in the burn
Frae morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roar'd
Sin auld lang syne.

And there's a hand my trusty fiere,
And gie's a hand o thine,
And we'll tak a right guid-willie waught,
For auld lang syne

So to all my blogging friends I wish this blessing for you for 2006

Always remember to forget
The things that made you sad.
But never forget to remember
The things that made you glad.
Always remember to forget
The friends that proved untrue.
But never forget to remember
Those that have stuck by you.
Always remember to forget
The troubles that passed away.
But never forget to remember
The blessings that come each day.

Me and Alan Jackson

2005-12-29T07:43:00.000-08:00

Daughter says I should do this and it was fun you all should do it too.

1. Pick a band and answer all the questions using only the band's song titles. I pick Alan Jackson

2. Are you male or female? She got the Rhythm ( I got the blues)

3. Descibe how you feel. Work in Progress

4. Your best piece of advice. You can't have it all

5. Describe your last relationship. I'll go on loving you

6. Describe your last crush. From a distance

7. Say something to someone you have a crush on. Wanted

8. Say something to an ex. Remember when

9. Say something to someone who you have hurt seriously. up to my ears in tears

10. How do you feel right now. Here in the real world

Ok your turn!

Cheers!

2005-12-26T14:51:00.000-08:00

I survived what was for me a very tough Christmas that capped off a very tough year. Today I feel a bit renewed. I do not have the after Christmas depression that some get. I feel that this is the close of a time in my life and the begining of another.

I look to the new year with hope and strength. There are of course things I want to change in the next year. Most of what happened to me last year was unavoidable, things we all have to go through if we live on this planet for very long.

I am not one for resolutions, I think that we set ourselves up to fail. I do think tho that this is the perfect time to feel like we have a clean slate a "do over" if you will. My mental image is of an etch a stetch ... turn it over shake it and start a new.

I hope that the new year makes all my bevy friends feel the same in fact ... here is an etch a sketch for each of you... Polly, Betty, Christie Jo, and you too Bri. Use it and enjoy the new year.

Wishing you

2005-12-24T09:05:00.000-08:00

A Very Merry Christmas!

Ode to the Birthday Boy...

2005-12-15T22:00:00.000-08:00

A dodger fan… bleeds dodger blue
A redsox fan here through and through
They met by chance in a baseball room.

“Icon man” he soon became
smilies and emotes were to blame
For avoiding the topic at hand.

His smile, wit and love of his kids
His struggle to do just what God bids
In her eyes made him a good man.

Tacos and Foster’s are a couple of clues
Jesse Dayton and The Plimpsouls are too
To the things this man holds dear.

Today this man will celebrate
To the bevy a most important date
For the head of the bevy is 46

So to Brian the birthday boy
Wishes for boundless Birthday joy
We hope you see many more.

We hope that you will appreciate (9)
All that we did to commemorate (11)
The Birthday of Big Daddy-O

Happy Birthday BRI!

5 little unknowns....

2005-12-15T14:52:00.000-08:00

I have a headache, this entry may infact make my head exploded but here goes... LOL

1.If you shake my family tree, Benjamin Harrison, William Henry Harrison, and William Wallace will fall out.

2.I am a diabetic

3.I failed my driver's test the first time I took it.

4.I can not drive a manual transmission to SAVE MY LIFE!

5.I love doing the New York times crossword puzzle every sunday

My latest production

2005-12-14T19:13:00.000-08:00

It is called Prairie Flower ... and this is what I was working on when I swallowed said pin! LOL

Last Christmas present... nothing like pushing it is there?

Stating the Obvious

2005-12-10T15:27:00.000-08:00

Swallowing a straight pin while quilting... nota good....

Pass the long johns please....

2005-12-08T09:01:00.000-08:00

It was 7 degrees here last night! The wind chill was below zero. Now all you Northerners before you scoff at us weak Texans... less than a week ago it was 90!

Going back to bed... and my electric blanket...

Holiday Traditions

2005-12-06T17:34:00.000-08:00

Tonight I did another of my holiday traditions. I have done this every Christmas for as long as I remember. I watched Charlie Brown Christmas. I just love the innocence and the telling of the birth of Christ. I actually wonder how much longer they will air it. The world doesn't like to hear that stuff anymore. It will continue to be one of my favorite traditions.

Another one is... I wait until I am complelety stressed out by the holidays then I watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. That movie still cracks me up and I have seen it every year since it came out. I laugh until I am completly relaxed and ready to once again enjoy the holiday.

Memories from Christmas Past...

2005-12-05T10:40:00.000-08:00

When I was a little girl my grandma shared this song with me... now my daughter just groans when I play it hehe

It was sung by Lynn Anderson

Gather round and I will tell
The story of the Christmas bell
Who use to shine and shine and ring
And why they called him Ding a ling

One of the famous jingle bells
Is what he was but then he fell
And broke his pretty harmony
And he began to ring off key

Now they call him Ding a ling
Because he has a funny ring
And doesn’t hit his note too well
Ding a ling the Christmas bell

The other bells met secretly
And he heard one say in a real low key
He's sure to ruin our Christmas sound
And we don’t want him hanging around

He overheard their secret vote
And walked away with a lump in his note
The saddest bell you’ve ever seen
The Christmas bell called Ding a ling

They all call him Ding a ling
Because he has a funny ring
And doesn’t hit his note too well
Ding a ling the Christmas bell

The snow was falling in the square
When the children found him there
And placed him on the Christmas tree
For everyone in town to see

As Christmas Eve came to the town
A blinding snow was coming down
And Ding a ling heard someone say
Old Santa’s sure to lose his way

The thought occurred to ding a ling
To ring as loud as He could ring
And when old Santa heard the sound
It guided him into the town

Now the children shout and sing
And everyone loves Ding a ling
So everything has turned out well
For Ding a ling the Christmas bell

Side note... Santa seems to get lost alot... typical man

Thank you Bri

2005-11-30T05:58:00.000-08:00

With all the fun I have had the last few months reading and getting to know the bevy I wanted to thank Brian for bringing us all together.

I have learned from you ladies, I have cried at your entries, I have laughed, and I have learned. I would never have started a blog let alone found you ladies without having met Brian.

So thank you Brian for the gift of these amazing ladies.. and thank you Betty for dubbing us the Bevy long ago!

Tag from Betty...

2005-11-27T11:54:00.000-08:00

Ok this is the 5th sentence from my 24th blog because 23 was only 2 sentences long. So now I ponder it.

The thirsty ground is soaking up the water and the drops are hanging on the leaves of the trees.

I remember the day I wrote it ... It was really raining, but I can see now that there was more to it than that. I was just coming out of the numbness of several losses in the first half of the year. I was dry and I was in need of rain... I was in need of love and self understanding. I would have soaked all of that up in the same way that the ground was soaking up the rain. Long dry spells make the ground hard and unusable just as it makes a person hard and bitter.

As to the drops of rain hanging on the leaves.. I can see that as my inability to forgive my mother and to let go of things, they were and are still hanging there suspended in time. Somtimes a wind or a bird will cause those drops to go ahead and fall just as actions and amends beget forgiveness ... some of those drops of forgiveness have fallen... some hold tight to the leaves.

This was a very interesting excerise Betty thank you for the challenge.. it has certainly given me food for thought.

Gina needs

2005-11-22T10:01:00.000-08:00

My daughter and her friends have been doing this it was fun, and suprising. So if you are bored play along. You go to Google.com and type "your name needs" I typed in "gina needs" and this is what I got. You post the top ten things... now apparently GINA is a computer program name and so I omitted those and took the top ten non computer things.

1. Gina needs coffee and a shower (YEP)
2. Gina needs a Zanax (probably)
3. Gina needs to change her self talk
4. Gina needs to reach out to him ( who?)
5. Gina needs bloomers in Xsmall (I wish!)
6. Gina needs encouragement ( I can do it!)
7. Gina needs a man in her life ( who? hello, may I speak with George Clooney?)
8. Gina needs to draw herself naked .... (ummm)
9. Gina needs a new job
10. Gina need to watch cable in her room

Challenge is on to the Bevy tell us about the real you... Come on Bri you play too!

Thankful Heart

2005-11-21T09:00:00.000-08:00

Father, help me to remember my blessings and be thankful for them. Help me to focus on those during this time.

My blessings are many
My family
My daughter
My friends
Cricket
My needs are met
My house is warm and dry
I have more than enough to eat
I am not shot at
I am not afraid to go to sleep
I do not have loved ones at war
I live in a country that is still MOSTLY free
I am loved
I am healthy
I am whole

The list goes on and on. The fact is, that in comparison to the rest of the world I am rich and spoiled.

We have so much to be thankful for, this has been a hard year for me and I still know how foruntate I am.

So Thank you Lord, How could I ask for more?

Thanksgiving

2005-11-18T11:36:00.000-08:00

This will be the first Thanksgiving without my Dad. My mother and at least one of my sisters and her children will gather at my house next week. It has been many years since I had a holiday with my family. My parents always hosted and we went if we could. This year there is no hosting there, so I am doing it.

I am wondering how the family dynamic will work now. Such a strange thing to become the adult in the family. I feel the change that comes when the child become the parent. Those of you who are at that point will know what I am talking about.

Another thing that precipitated this gathering is the discovery of a heart murmur in myself. After a visit to the cardiologist and several tests they told me I have an enlarged left ventricle and a Mitral leak. While it isn't bad enough to need repair as yet, it is still quite unsettling.

I guess that after all the deaths and losses this past year not to mention the uncertainity of life in general,I feel the need to connect with my family. My family isn't perfect and while I know that at least once next week I will want to stangle one of them they do care about me.

So wish me will and pass the valium!

Today

2005-11-06T05:29:00.000-08:00

To my little girl eyes he was a giant. He was my protector, my defender, and my fortress. I ran to him to tattle on my sisters or the bully that was after me. He always made things ok. He could pick me up, and he let my stand on his feet and hug him. He was my hero.

To my grown up eyes he wasn’t as tall. I was able to take care of myself…. at least physically. He was still my fortress just for different reasons. He was my source of family information, my source of memories and my source of sanity at times.

He set the bar high for me. He showed me how to handle life’s hardships with the quiet strength. He showed me how to use the energies that I have to fight, not complain.

He set the bar high for every man in my life as well. Every man will always be measured against him. So many will fall woefully short, in fact I think that most will. Really it isn’t fair to compare, but when you see what a man SHOULD be you have a hard time settling for less.

He gave me life long gifts. He gave me a sense of humor, he gave me a forgiving nature, he gave me a quiet stoic strength, he gave me a love of life, and he showed me what a promise means.

I wish that his life had been easier, I wish that his life had been happier. I wonder at times if he’d had it to do all over again, knowing what his life would hold, if he would’ve done it again. Were there enough good times in his life to make up for all the bad?

Today he would have been 69 years old. This is the first year there is no phone call to him. The first year I didn’t buy a card for him. He knew last year it would be his last, and we did too.

I miss him. I am lucky in that I know where he is and that I will see him again. I just wish they had a phone there….

In my grown up eyes he will ever be a giant.

I miss you Daddy.

The Yellow Rose....

2005-10-29T14:22:00.000-07:00

You Know You're From Texas When...

You see more Texan flags than American flags.

You know someone who ate the 72 oz steak and got it for free.

You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry, and your Cowboy Boots.

You can write a check at Dairy Queen for 2 Hungr-Busters and fries.

You prefer Whataburger to McDonalds.

You dress up to go shopping at the mall.

You've hung ornaments and tinsel on a tumbleweed and used it as a Christmas tree.

You're disappointed when a food doesn't come in spicy flavor.

You know from experience that rattlesnake meat tastes like chicken.

You can tell a rock from an armadillo at 300 yards.

You know what a 'Cowboy Cadillac' is.

You have both a dog and a brother-in-law named Bud

Your local grocery store sells cactus in the Fresh Produce department

You watch the movie Urban Cowboy and laugh at the phony Texan accents

You choose a brand of Mexican salsa with the same care that another might use to select a bottle of fine wine

You think that the 4 basic food groups are nachos, bar-b-que, fajitas, and Copenhagen.

You know whether another Texan is from South, West, East, North, or Central Texas as soon as they open their mouth.

You don't consider people from Austin to be real Texans.

Your Pastor wears boots.

There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.

The Blue Book value on your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Texas.

Get Your Own "You Know You're From" Meme Here

More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

hmmmm

2005-10-29T14:15:00.000-07:00

Your Hidden Talent

You have the power to persuade and influence others.
You're the type of person who can turn a whole room around.
The potential for great leadership is there, as long as you don't abuse it.
Always remember, you have a lot more power over people than you might think!

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Samantha

2005-10-23T09:32:00.000-07:00

Next Sunday is my daughter's birthday. I remember counting the days until she would get here. She was a week early. Originally due on my Daddy's birthday November 6. She was very nearly a Halloween baby. She arrived on a very cold, rainy and windy day. She was an easy birth less than 7 hours total. Raising her would be just a easy.

I look at her and I wonder how I got so lucky. She is the most amazing young woman I know. She is smart, wise, funny, talented, has a big heart, and is forgiving. She is the best thing that ever happened to me. She is beautiful inside and out. She sings like an angel.

I had her so young and I didn't get to be the kind of mother I wanted to when she was tiny. I missed some things.. I regret that more than anything in the world. We were so focused on getting our lives started that I didn't have the time to see all the small changes.

By the time she was 3 I was home with her all the time. At one point she told me I needed to get a job so that she could go to daycare with the other kids.. lol not a chance... I wanted to be there for everything. I wanted to be the one teaching her and seeing her eyes light up. I wanted her to grow up with MY morals, not some strangers. I wanted her come crawl up in my lap when she was sleepy or needed comfort.. no way was I giving that up.

I was her playmate, her teacher, her defender, her judge, her doctor, and the giver of cookies. We had a great time. I wish I could have just one of those days back to live over again.

Nothing I will ever do in my life will be as important as raising her and seeing the woman she is becoming. She made me a better person, she made me love someone more than myself. She made me learn what unconditional, selfless love really is. She made me learn to put someone else first. She showed me the world through her eyes. She allowed me to have the childhood I didn't get to have. She allowed me to be silly and to be the real me. She loved me even though I was not perfect. She reminded me what it was like to imagine and to dream big. She reminded me that it was magical to giggle.

She is my gift from God.

I love you Samantha, my Pumpkin Princess!

Survey from Betty

2005-10-21T06:44:00.000-07:00

Ok tagged by Betty….

What I was doing 10 years ago.

My daughter was in grade school so I was up to my eyeballs in PTA, and fundraising. I was volunteering to help with everything. I wanted to be the best hands on mom. My daughter has since told me thank you for all of this. It is worth the aggravation to hear the thanks!

What I was doing 5 years ago.

I was in the process of moving! I had just bought a new house out in the country. I was packing up and pulling my hair out over all the pain in the ass stuff that comes with buying a house. I was also putting my daughter back into public school after 3 years of home-schooling. Watching her grow and trying to seeing if I had handled her education well. We did great BTW. She went into all the honors classes and went on the get a full ride to college. (forgive a mother’s pride)

What I was doing 1 year ago.

I had just found out that my Daddy had prostate cancer. I was about a week away from finding out he also had lung cancer and would have to have a lung removed. This time a year ago was the beginning of one of the hardest parts of my life so far.

My 5 favorite snacks …. (now to the fun stuff!)

Apples dipped in caramel dip
Raw broccoli and ranch dressing
Carrot sticks
Ginger snaps and milk
String cheese

5 songs I know all the words too…

Tequila makes her clothes fall off
Rose Garden
We didn’t start the Fire
Moon River
They way you look tonight

5 things I would do with 100 million dollars.

I would make a grant to El Sauzal orphanage in Mexico for their needs.

I would make a company of some sort that would hire battered women that were trying to get back on their feet. It would include education, and child care.

I would give to an organization that works toward a cure for diabetes … both types.

I would anonymously give to people who I knew needed a hand up, such as following a fire or loss of work. I know this is on a small scale but sometime you just have to work one on one.

I would try to find away to fund prescriptions for people locally who cannot afford them, and who have no insurance.

This all seem small scale and they are… I just think that there is too much red tape in getting anything done through a large organization.

Now I did the serious take on this, now the smart comments I bit back on this question lol

I would buy the government a clue.
I would find a nice institution with padded walls for my mom.
I would make a job for cricket that allowed him to stay home and play all day.
I would buy the Yankees pacifiers.
I would buy the Red Sox some pitching!

Lol ok moving on. …

5 places to run way to.

Greece
My hot tub
A country road in Northern Louisiana
A backyard at night to look at the stars
A church at Christmas time

5 things I would never wear

how about never wear AGAIN? LOL (legwarmers)
hotpants
platforms
heavy makeup
bell bottoms

5 favorite tv shows.

NCIS
LOST
Desperate housewives
Ghost Hunters
Family Practice

5 biggest joys

Samantha
Cricket
Painting
Quilting
Writing

5 favorite toys

computer
Ipod shuffle
Paints
Sewing machine
My car

Now I don’t know 5 others that blog to pass this off to! Betty took the bevy!!! LOL

Stacie

2005-10-19T11:33:00.000-07:00

I met Stacie the first day of third grade. She was the new girl, so blond and pale. She looked so scared and unsure, even to my innocent third grade eyes. Her Dad was the new band director for the school. I took the seat beside her, and we became fast friends. I loved my friend with the fierce, pure love that only young best friends can. We were inseparable.

Stacie and I were closer than even my sister and I were. See Stacie wasn’t privy to my secrets and my sister was. Stacie was the NORMAL part of my life. She wasn’t around when my mother was a raving lunatic or when my sister was abusing me. I never wanted Stacie to see me as different and I don’t think she ever did.

Stacie was normal in every way her parents weren’t crazy, and she had an adorable little bothersome brother. She got to have sleepovers and parties. She got to sleep through the night with out her mother waking her up … getting her up to find a comb that was missing…. She got to have a dog… that stayed and didn’t “run off”.

Stacie’s mom worked for the First Baptist Church in out little town and as luck would have it this church was on my block. We spent many happy hours playing in that dark church playing the pianos, playing school, and roller-skating downs the glossy hallways. I was happiest when I was with her

At the end of 5th grade her family announced that they were moving to Alaska to be missionaries. The July after 5th grade the normal, constant part of my life left. I was to only see her once more. We wrote for a while but as young kids do we let it slide and trickle to nothing. I was so devastated at the loss of Stacie that it was a long time before I let anyone get that close again.

For years I thought of Stacie and wondered about her. I dreamed about her. It was always about her coming back to our town and things being the way they were. I was a teenage still dreaming about stuff that happened at 9. I would wake up sad, and heartbroken.

The dreams continued along the same line and frequency until I was grown and had a child. Then started to notice that in the dreams Stacie was growing up… she was not my age yet but she was gaining. She finally reached adulthood but they were still about rekindling friendship lost. Stacie got married, got a career of some sort and had children … well at least in my dreams. The dreams got less frequent.

The dreams rarely come at all now. Stacie has finished her job… the dreams were never about Stacie. The dreams were about me and how I was dealing with the very hurt child inside me. As I learned to accept and deal with how things were for me as a child Stacie was needed less and less and she was allowed to grow up and leave me.

I have no idea where Stacie is now or what her life is like, but I do hope that she is happy and healthy and richly blessed. She has no way of knowing that she was a lifeline to a sad little girl. She has no idea that she helped me long after she left.

So to Stacie where ever you are…. Thank you.

Precious Memories

2005-10-14T08:09:00.000-07:00

Precious memories unseen angels
Sent from somewhere to my soul
How they linger ever near me
And the sacred past unfold
Precious father loving mother
Fly across the lonely years
And old home scenes of my childhood
In fond memory appears
Precious memories how they linger
How they ever flood my soul
In the stillness of the midnight
Precious sacred scenes unfold
In the stillness of the midnight
Echoes from the past I hear
Old time singing gladness bringing
From that lovely land somewhere
As I travel on life's pathway
Knowing not what the years may hold
As I ponder hope grows fonder
Precious memories flood my soul
Precious memories how they linger
How they ever flood my soul
In the stillness of the midnight
Precious sacred scenes unfold
In the stillness of the midnight
Precious sacred scenes unfold

Beautiful old song... I miss my Daddy today.

Bummed

2005-10-07T19:14:00.000-07:00

Ok those that know me know I am a Red Sox fan. Yes, I know I have a thing for pain.

So day was the end of their season again... such a let down. Losing three in a row to the White Sox... they just phoned it in. Didn't they learn anything last year?! Didn't they like the taste of victory? I know for a fact that several of them enjoyed the celebrity and the monetary gain, not to mention a place in baseball history. So what happened? There was no Boone or Dent ... they just didn't have it this year.

I think I knew it all along really. I wanted it. I wanted them to want it like they did last year .. but they didn't. They got full of themselves.. they got self important. They thought they were more valuable than they are and most of all they stopped being a team. They picked at each other in the press, they made themselves out to be know it alls in some instances.

Over the off season trades will be made and some that played today will never again wear the Red Sox uniform. Some we will be better off without and some will be sorely missed. Some will take the tension and the spotlight with them. Some will work hard in the off season to grow stronger and get their heads straight. Some will play golf and not think about it until February.

It was a great ride, the last year. A whole year of being better than our rivals. A whole year of no yankee trash talk. A whole year of no ridicule, no talk of the curse. It had to end and we had to pass on the torch... the torch goes to the White Sox. May they end their own curse this year. May they taste the taste of victory. May their fans cry at the last out, and may they have a year of no ridicule.

Is some ways it is best this way I suppose... how do you beat last year. It is the stuff of legends... the numbers of manny and johnny's uniforms... 1918... the eclipse .. the last out to a # 3 yankee... the bloody sock, the comeback after comeback. There will never be another like it and I am thankful that I was around to see it.

The way the season ended for us last year is the reason I have this thing for pain. The Red Sox have taught me a few lessons... patience, hope, dissapointment, frustration, perseverence, love of the game, and finally that dreams do come true..... eventually.

So with this I put away my ball cap for the winter and I will watch hockey for the rest of the winter... although hockey doesn't hold my heart like baseball does. Some people look for spring with the first flower or the first robin... I see spring when I see the Cactus and Grapefruit Leagues....

This is me this morning!

2005-10-07T06:59:00.000-07:00

Got to love Texas weather!

The Importance of being Paul, John, or Harry

2005-10-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

I recently had a conversation with some friends about men. What we found attractive and what we didn’t. We are all over 30 and know that there is more to a good man than looks… lol.

We talked about what there MUST be and humor was high on my list. The rest of life just goes easier if you can laugh about things. He MUST be able to laugh at himself. Seriousness definitely has its place, no one wants to joke ALL the time. There are going to be situations were it is laugh or cry… I prefer to laugh.

There were other traits of course… a big heart, forgiving nature, affectionate, honesty, loyalty, the list goes on and on. . All of the things that we brought up are wonderful things for a man to have. Some are viewed as essential and some are icing on the cake.

Then the topic turned to what we find sexy in a man… and we all decided that a man would be at his sexiest after he bathed the kids, vacuumed the floor, cooked dinner and washed the dishes! Any man doing that is going to get lucky! ROFL

Will guys ever get that the flowers are nice but what really turns us on is not having to ask them to take out the trash, or them taking our car to get the oil changed? Will they ever understand that a man is sexiest holding a baby or playing with a puppy. They are most sexy being gentle.

Here is to men everywhere what a great invention God had!

Changes they are a comin'

2005-09-29T03:54:00.000-07:00

She woke up shivering. Took her a minute to figure out why…. She was burrowed in the covers, odd she has been so hot last night…. Had turned on the fans to high. Thoughts are coming back so hot yesterday 104 in fact. Had thought of sleeping in nothing it was so hot and now she was freezing. She turns on the TV the weather is about to come on… 59 degrees outside. She smiles to herself … FINALLY fall is here! She turns the fan off, turns off the TV, pulls up the covers, and drifts back off. Cool weather is the BEST sleeping weather.

Full circle

2005-09-27T15:48:00.000-07:00

The little girl is sleeping, her red curls falling around her face. She is breathing shallow and fast, her eyes are darting under the lids. She starts to sweat and becomes twisted in the covers. Some unseen thing, something nameless is chasing her, she can’t see it, but she knows it is scary and will hurt her. She starts to jerk and whimper in her sleep as the beast closes in on her. Her little heart is pounding. She is suddenly awake and terrified, unsure now of where she is. She cries out and soon she hears footsteps coming down the hall and into the room. In the dark she feels her daddy’s safe strong arms around her. She feels loved and safe. Soon she begins to drift off again into a safe restful slumber…

A man is sleeping, his hair turning gray, his mouth parted just a little and a quiet snore comes from his lips. His hands are bruised and crossed on his chest, he frowns every so often. He twitches in his sleep. Something with a name is consuming him. He knows what it is and he knows there is no escape, but he still fights against it. He is scared, he is so very tired, and his body is battered and ravaged. He wakes with a jerk and looks around wildly. He is in pain and it is dark and he is alone. He calls out, it is heard via a baby monitor down the hall. He hears footsteps running down the hall and then he feels warm soft arms around him, red curls brushing against his cheek. She checks to see what she can do to help him, but there is nothing… he just needs her. She comforts him and tells him he is loved and that it is ok if he is too tired to fight anymore. She tells him that he is a great Daddy. He calms and eases into a quiet deep sleep, soon his breathing grows fainter and shallower until it stops all together and he drifts off into a safe restful slumber…

Today's Blog will be Educational

2005-09-25T03:52:00.000-07:00

I have been wondering about something since talking to a friend. When something interests me I research it. That is what do, it is a part of who I am... a researcher. So I am sharing my research with you.

A brief history of the Yo-Yo

It is believe that the Yo-yo originated in China, however the first mention of the yo-yo was in Greece in 500 BC. The first disks as they were refered to ... where made of wood, metal or terra cotta. There is some evidence that these were offered to there gods as gifts. Ancient Eygptian Temples actually have drawings of people playing with yo-yos.

The 16th century found a new use for yo-yos. They became weapons. In the Phillipines they were used by hunters who hid up in trees and used them to hit their prey below them. Retrieving on a miss was a snap!

In the 1780's they became all the rage with the Aristocracy of Europe. As you know a Terra Cotta yo-yo would NEVER do for them. Their yo-yo were exqusite, being made of glass and Ivory finely carved.

The yo-yo was used as a stress reliever as well ... there are drawings of General Lafayette and his troops playing with yo-yos. In the "Marriage of Figaro" A nervous Figaro enters a scene and conveys his tension, not by wringing his hangs but by playing with his yo-yo. When asked what the yo-yo is good for he replies "It is a noble toy which dispels the fatigue of thinking". Even on June 18, 1815 at the Famous Battle of Waterloo. Napolean and his army are known to have been seen relaxing with their yo-yos before battle.

The first mention of the yo-yo in the United States was in 1866 when two men in Ohio recieved a patent for a weighted rim yo-yo. In 1928 a yo-yo company was opened in Californa by Pedro Flores who patented his yo-yo, it was the first yo-yo that the string was looped around the axle as opposed to tied to it. This allow the yo-yo to "sleep" at the end of the sting.

In 1928-29 Charles Duncan saw Pedro with his yo-yo doing a few tricks, and being the business man he was, saw potential in this toy. Duncan bought Pedro's company and began to produce yo-yos, but he also trademarked the name yo-yo so that others could not use it. There were forced to use names like come-back, returnable top, or twirler.

The yo-yo business was good to Duncan, until Novemeber 1965 when the company was forced into bankruptcy. Most of the equipment was bought by Flambeau and today they still make the Duncan yo-yos.

Richard Nixon yo-yoed at the opening or the Grand Ole Opry, Abby Hoffman yo-yoed at the house subcommitee hearings, and in 1985 the yo-yo was taken into space.

June 6 is National Yo-Yo day... so go find a yo-yo! Be a kid again!

Benefits

2005-09-23T08:55:00.000-07:00

I did some research into laughter ... It is amazing what it can do for you. The medical benifits are incredible! Not only that but it is free and plentiful in the right company! I thought I would share a bit with you.

Did you know that laughter Activates and boosts the immune system? You get sick less often and you fight off things faster.

It also Decreases the Stress Hormones ... These are epinephrine, cortisol, and dopac. They actually drops with laughter! These are your fight or flight hormones.

Muscle Relaxation ....While you laugh, the muscles that do not participate in the belly laugh, relax. After you finish laughing those muscles involved in the laughter start to relax.

Pain Reduction ... You are so busy laughing you forget about the little aches and pains.

Cardiac Exercise ...A belly laugh is equivalent to "an internal jogging."

Blood Pressure ... There are studies that suggest that laughing lowers the hypertension.

Respiration ... Frequent belly laughter empties your lungs of more air than it takes in resulting in a cleansing effect - similar to deep breathing.

All of this is great news, as I seem to be getting healthier by the minute these days... But really, what I know is that for me personally laughter is good for my soul.

I always liked Proverbs... A Merry heart doeth good like a medicine.

Legacy

2005-09-22T05:02:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered why certain people come into your life? I believe that every person you met can teach you something about life. Some good and of course some bad. Some show you what you are missing and some show you what you are unwilling to put up with.

Some people come into your life and make you see things more clearly. They don't let you get away with things, and they make you a better person in the long run. They actually leave a part of themselves in you whether they stay or go. They come to you with such a different outlook that you have to stop and examine theirs. They open up an entirely new world to you.

I have met a few people like this in my life. They have challenged me, made me better, taught me.

Really when you think about it this is what we leave behind, this is our legacy to the world. Our thoughts, our ideas, how we handle life's curve balls. We are each a teacher whether we know it or not. We leave our fingerprints on our children our friends, and people we never really know.

I guess after meeting one of these people it has me thinking about what I teach people, what kind of fingerprints I leave behind. Are they good ones... do I make people better or am I one of those that show people what they DON'T want.

I want to leave people better for having known me, I want to leave them with memories of laughter and lessons learned.

hmmm....

2005-09-08T19:23:00.000-07:00

Writing comes more easily if you have something to say.

-- Sholem Asch

Perchance to dream

2005-09-05T10:37:00.000-07:00

I turn on the fan, and pull back the covers. Well, the sheet I should say, and arrange my pillows. This is my most relaxing time of the day. I stretch out, feeling the sheet on my skin, it is soft and it smells good. The air all around me as the fan turns. I reach for my book, and as I find my page I am joined on the bed by one of my cats. The cat curls up and purrs, her favorite time of the day too. She looks at me with big green eyes, wanting nothing more than the quiet company.

I read a few pages as the kinks in my body relax, and soon my eyes are heavy. I turn down the corner of my page and close my book. I reach over and turn off the lamp. Darkness settles over the room. I close my eyes and rub the cat’s ears. My breathing slows, becomes deep and regular.

My mind begins to process the day. I don’t dwell on it for long, I have other places to go. My mind wonders to the furthest points of my imagination. I am in Rome, or I am skiing the Alps. The line between reality and dream is so close. There are times when I recognize that I am crossing the line… and I am jerked back into reality, but only for a moment. I see what it is. I want to give in to sleep and to dream, but as always it is a giving up of control.

I turn over, fluff the pillows, grin to myself and take off for Tahiti and cross that line into sleep and dreams.

somedays

2005-08-29T10:06:00.000-07:00

life just sucks..

One of the great things about life

2005-08-26T18:57:00.000-07:00

You never know when you will meet someone that will mean the world to you. The person that you meet at a PTA meeting, or at church, could one day be your best friend, or your fishing buddy, or even your spouse. And at the time you meet them you have no clue how this person is going to become a part of you and you of them. So next time you bump into someone, look carefully....
It is one of the greatest things in life.

ooh la la

2005-08-21T20:42:00.000-07:00

I went to see Must Love Dogs tonight... it is about internet dating. Cute movie. Oh and I am completely in love with John Cusack! LOL

Go see it!

Hypocrisy

2005-08-20T09:35:00.000-07:00

I will warn you right of the bat that this has a good chance of becoming a rant.

There has been a push in the media as of late to promote the acceptance of aging and differing body types… or so that is what they want you to believe.

Cover Girl … re-signed Christie Brinkley to be their model. That is great right? I mean she is 51 and drop dead gorgeous. Well is that is the case why do they need to air brush all her wrinkles away? I don’t CARE who you are you WILL have a few at 51. The ad on the back of my magazine here pictures her with less wrinkles than my teenage daughter! She is still plenty gorgeous even with the wrinkles.

Then there is Madonna… isn’t she doing great… she is 47 and no cosmetic surgery. Aren’t we proud of her… http://www.iconique.com/flash/forum/threads.php?id=711_0_7_0_C Well if I could do THAT I wouldn’t need the surgery either. Again she is lovely without the help. So why?

Then there is the new Dove ads campaign … real women. Women with curves and hips. First off these women are gorgeous. I am not sure they qualify as the “average woman” but I give them points for trying. My beef with this is they are showing this picture of women who are beautiful and yet they are advertising firming creams and anti-wrinkles creams… Talk about a mixed message.

Why can’t women just be who they are? We don’t see men going through this. I am not saying that men caused this in fact I think the opposite is true. I think women do this to themselves and to each other. Almost every man that I have talked to really just wants a normal, natural, down to earth woman. They understand that women are SUPPOSED to be soft and curvy.

We grew up thinking that we needed to look like Christie Brinkley, well you know what? Even Christie Brinkley isn’t really Christie Brinkley…

The end of summer

2005-08-19T18:12:00.000-07:00

At least I hope it is I am sick of the lawn needing to be mowed! lol

Having trouble being philosophical about that part of my lawn. I am hard pressed to find goodness in the the ever growing, ever needing cut grass...

Oh Milton, where art thou?

HEHEHHE

2005-08-18T23:40:00.000-07:00

I know this is cheating ... I haven't posted in almost a week. BUT GOOOOOO REDSOX!

Did anyone get the license plate number ...

2005-08-13T19:32:00.000-07:00

of the truck that obviously ran over my poor cat sneakers! LOL

Seeds of Growth

2005-08-12T22:51:00.000-07:00

I have talked about my Daddy not being able to be home a lot when I was growing up. So we were not aware of this talents until he medically retired.

This hidden talent was that he could make anything grow. I mean anything. He started trees from acorns, plants from slips, and did his own grafting. He would find a tree, cut off a limp and the next thing we knew there was a tree.

After a while he bought a riding lawn mower and a weed eater and he was in business. My Daddy grew up and died within 200 yards, so he was very well known. He took to doing lawn work for the elderly people he had known all his life. These little old people didn’t have much and Daddy didn’t charge them. They were quick to share with him their plants though. He would come home at least once a week with a bunch of cuttings from someone. Very old, beautiful plants…heritage roses, lilies and Irises. Plants that had been around for longer than he had.

Much to my mother’s chagrin he set about making flowerbeds in front of their deck in the front yard. He put all his plants in there. Every thing under the sun, there were hydrangeas next to petunias. It was a colorful, beautiful arrangement.

A couple of years before Daddy got sick I went out for a visit. I mentioned that I wanted a Sweet Gum tree, they are native to the area. Nothing would do until he had gone into the woods to dig one up for me to bring home. It did not stop there though, before I left the back of my car was FULL of plants. He sent home Lantana, an Alphie bush, blueberry brambles, Cannas and some of those heritage Irises.

Now I came home so pleased and in the hot July afternoon I planted them. I watered them, and I waited. I watched them ALL die. I didn’t think you COULD kill Cannas! Well I managed to it. I was heartbroken. I hated to tell my Daddy that they were all dead. Even the Sweet Gum tree I wanted so badly was gone. I did not inherit my Daddy’s green thumb!

Winter came, then it began to thaw. The sun was warming the Earth and spring was in the air. Then one day out by my front stairs I saw green shoots! I couldn’t believe it. Could those Irises have survived! They were dead last summer I had seen that. A few days passed and then a week and yes they were the Irises! Then they bloomed! White and purple! Taller than the irises you get now, they were beautiful.

This spring when Daddy died they bloomed.

These Irises taught me a few things… gifts from God and Daddy. First… just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Second … a gift especially of love multiplies, just like the irises. Thirdly even when it seems so hopeless that you want to give up and call it dead… wait a bit because things change…

cures

2005-08-11T18:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes ... kitty kisses make everything ok.

Bequests

2005-08-11T04:07:00.000-07:00

I spent some time yesterday going through old family pictures. I couldn’t help but pick out my physical features in my grandparents, great grandparents, aunts and uncles. Some of these loved ones long passed away. Funny how a part of a person lives on years and years after they leave the earth.

Not everything I got from these wonderful people can be seen in a picture. Some things they left me through genetics and some through head, heart, and hands. Most of them left me the best part of themselves, some not.

Grandma Inez left me not only her red hair but also her cooking ability. I still can see her in the kitchen cooking something yummy.

Great Grandma Sarah, I have her eyes. I never knew her. I do know that she was tough as nails and traveled into Indian Territory in a wagon. I have been through enough to think that maybe she gave me a bit of her grit.

Aunt Laverne, we have the same hands, and she taught me how to laugh quickly and to love words.

Grandpa Paul I have his nose, again I never knew him. The way he lived his life and how he died gave me a very healthy fear of alcohol.

Great-grandpa Jesse I have his mouth. He was a Pentecostal preacher and he gave me keys to faith.

There are people in my family that I have no physical resemblance too but have marked me non-the less.

My Daddy, I wish I did look like him. Never understood why my sisters all do and I don’t. He gave me so many traits… patience, love, gentle nature, sense of humor. He is my greatest single contributor.

My Mother, again no physical resemblance. The gifts that she gave me are fewer and not so wonderful. They are still part of me. She taught me selfishness. However, because I hate that quality it forced me to try to change it.

My sisters, lol they taught me to share, and to fight! I love them dearly.

I have never been called to hear a will read, and I most likely never will be. I receive my inheritance day by day in the way I am. I think sometimes about what I will leave my daughter. She looks nothing like me. She is her father made over. This is what I hope I will leave her.

A tender heart
A forgiving nature
A soft word when angry
Patience
Perseverance
Tolerance
Understanding

We DO have a say in some of the things we leave behind.

Annoucement

2005-08-10T03:47:00.000-07:00

I just wish to say that insomnia sucks.... thank you.

Cracks in the wall of denial

2005-08-09T20:03:00.000-07:00

My head knows he is gone. I saw his health fail and his body give over to the disease. I was at the wake. I was at the funeral. I cried with every fiber of my being. I watched them remove his wedding ring, his watch and his glasses. Finally I watched them tuck everything in and close the lid. Forever sealing my Daddy’s face from view. I have stood over a fresh grave. My head knows he is gone.

My heart is slower to accept that fact.

My Daddy’s worked in the Texas Oil Field and was gone from sun up to sundown everyday. If there was a long period of rain there were days off, but they were rare. At night, tired from work he and I would watch baseball games. I was the closest thing he had to a son. In the early eighties the oil field went bust and Daddy took to hauling cattle to the Mexico border. He was gone Monday through Friday. I moved 400 miles away. Soon he had to drive cross-country for a living. Time passed and we only got to see each other a couple of times a year and I talked to him only about once a month. My mother was the principal talker in the family.

Since I still live far away, my heart likes to think he is just on a very long run. That is why he isn’t there when I call.

But there are starting to be cracks in my wall of denial. Most of them are small … wanting to ask him a question, then realizing I can never do that again… lots of little cracks that way.

Yesterday, a letter arrived from my mother. I opened it, and before I could finish reading the contents they blurred from the tears in my eyes. My heart broke, and there was a huge, loud crack in my denial wall.

For on this page where two drawings…

One said:

James Alton Green
“Mr. Green”
Nov 6 1936
Mar 1 2005
Gone home thy trials ended, they rest is won.

The other said:

GREEN
Husband to Barbara
Daddy to Beth, Gina, Jami, and Pam.

Talking to the Man in the Moon

2005-08-08T22:16:00.000-07:00

It is night and I am laying on the trampoline in my back yard. It is summer and a warm breeze tickles my toes and ruffles my hair. My dog Gracie soon joins me, and settles down to enjoy the night. I live in a rural area and the nights are so very dark. I hear the crickets chirping and Gracie raises her head to look at something rustling by the fence.

I am lost in the beautiful Texas night sky. It is so close you think you can reach out and touch a twinkling star. The moon is rising and it a sight to see, orange as it is rising. I can make out several of the seas. Soon it will turn yellow then white as it rides across the sky.

I start to pick out the constellations … I am not that good, but I know a few. Orion, Ursa Major and Minor, Cassiopeia, and I can make out Venus. They are breath taking and I know that I could lay here forever in this moment.

In Orion I see Betelguese and Rigel … so amazing. So bright! I see the foggy clouds that make up all of the Milky Way. I feel small. Such a tiny tiny speck in the galaxy in the universe.

I ponder my existence. I think about the creation and in my mind’s eye I see God just tossing these beautiful gems to land where the may. Wish I had been there to see it.

I thank God for making things lovely for us to look at… they are his gift to us. I get off the trampoline and call Gracie and we head back into the house…..

In the shade of the sunflower....

2005-08-07T14:39:00.000-07:00

There have been a lot of lessons for me from nature lately.

It is August in Texas… that mean it is bone dry and hotter than Hades. My lawn is beyond repair until Spring. The grass is dead, the leaves are drying up and there are cracks in the ground.

Up next to my house is a glorious site though…. A 7 foot sunflower! I can’t bring myself to remove it. It is green and leafy and has about a dozen blooms on it. Really a beautiful site and it has been teaching me all week.

It is such a contrast with grass. The grass is brown now and no longer needs to be mowed. It has given up until the weather cools off and the rains return.

This sunflower has shown me what it means to adapt to the surroundings. It obviously lives in less than pleasant conditions, and yet it thrives and looks happy. Somehow it has managed to make a productive existence in adversity.

We all get stuff in out lives that we don’t want and certainly didn’t ask for. Some of us look at our lives and wonder where our dreams went. We get disenchanted, we have long dry spells, and goodness knows we have floods.

I guess the choice really boils down to do we become bitter and hardhearted ….. the dead, dry grass, that crunches under my feet. Or do we adapt to life and learn to grow and be happy even if the situation isn’t optimal?

Lord, help me to be a sunflower.

Lesson from a peach tree

2005-08-07T03:29:00.000-07:00

I have a peach tree in my front yard. It is really a sad little tree. It is not as tall as I am, and I don't really think it grows from year to year. The branches are sparse and compared to other trees around it is certainly a runt. The trunk is about the size of my wrist, and it sways in the wind.

Every spring this poor little tree puts on buds, then leaves, and in time a few peaches. The peaches are small and weigh down the branches. Every year without fail it does what is was designed to do.

I am sure this tree wishes it where tall like the oak, or graceful like the willow. That it gave shade like the ash, or was home to baby bird's like the pine. I am sure that it wishes that it's crop were abundant.

You know though I have never seen this peach tree try to make an apple or an orange..... it has never once tried to be something it isn't.

Blah

2005-08-06T08:38:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I posted. It is that hot, blah part of summer for me. The time of year where I don't go outside unless it is neccesary because it is a 100 degrees and the air quality is terrible. That doesn't make for an exciting life! LOL and no excitement equals nothing to write about.

It is the time of year when I look at pictures of Mt. Ranier and plan my move to Seattle.... or Anchorage. I love the cold weather and fuzzy sweaters. The cold gray days make me want to bake and clean and curl up with a good book. I love those nights were I can step outside and smell that others have the fireplaces going. I love to cook chili and drink hot chocolate, or go for a walk and come in with a red nose and rosy cheeks.

I live for that night in early October then the summer breaks and you feel a cool breeze. I open all my windows and smile to myself knowing the fall has FINALLY won the tug of war.

What do you do...

2005-07-30T13:46:00.000-07:00

When you hurt someone on accident and don't have a clue how to fix it? I am sorry just doesn't cut it this time.

Rainy days

2005-07-27T09:01:00.000-07:00

It is raining this morning, that soft, wonderful smelling summer rain. It is cool outside. I hear it hitting the screens. I have the windows open, days like this in July as so very rare.

The thirsty ground is soaking up the water and the drops are hanging on the leaves of the trees. There is a soft breeze, not enough to blow the rain in but enough to make the smell permeate my house.

The rain is cleansing the air of all the pollutants, of all the pollen and I can breathe deeply this morning. The streets are clean and shining.

It is so quiet, so very peaceful. Days like this are such a comfort. Thank you Lord.

Mysteries of the known universe

2005-07-23T09:13:00.000-07:00

There are some mysteries that no one begins to explain. Some of them exist in my daily life and probably some do in yours as well. Shall we examine a few?

Why is it easier to leave an empty soda can on the counter than it is to put it in the trash can a foot away?

Why do we do the laundry if it will just end up in the floor before it is worn?

Why is it the box containing canned soda stays on the counter even after the last one is removed?

Why is that the empty roll of toilet paper stays on the holder?

Why is it that the trash can can be overflowing and no one notices it needs to go out?

Why is that some people have no trouble stepping OVER something while some people feel the need to PICK IT UP?

Why is it that clothes that are desperately needed stay in the washer or dryer for days before they are removed?

Why is that I have to fill up my car on the hottest, windiest, wettest and coldest day of the year?

Why is that the cutest puppy in the world comes from the pits of hell?

As you can imagine the list goes on… feel free to add yours! Perhaps we can chip in and hire an investigator to find the answer to these puzzling questions.

Memo

2005-07-22T19:38:00.000-07:00

Effective immediately, please be aware that there are changes you need to make in your life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill my promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you. I know, I already gave you the 10 Commandments. Keep them. But follow these guidelines, also

1. QUIT WORRYING - Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?

2. PUT IT ON THE LIST - If something needs done or taken care of, put it on the list. No, not YOUR list; put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to me. And although my to-do-list is long, I am, after all, God. I can take care of anything you put into my hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.

3. TRUST ME - Once you've given your burdens to me , quit trying to take them back. Trust in me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on my list. Problem with finances? Put it on my list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For my sake, put it on my list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.

4. LEAVE IT ALONE - Don't wake up one morning and say, 'Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here. Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with me and forget about them. Just let me do my job.

5. TALK TO ME - I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please don't forget to talk to me - OFTEN! I love you. I want to hear your voice. I want you to include me in on the things going on in your life I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with me . I want to be your dearest friend.

6. HAVE FAITH - I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in me that I know what I'm doing. Trust me, you wouldn't want the view from my eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?

7. SHARE - You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.

8. BE PATIENT - I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes me a little longer than you expect to handle something on my to-do-list? Trust in my timing, for my timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.

9. BE KIND - Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for my sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please know I love each of your differences.

10. LOVE YOURSELF - As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only - to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes my heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me. Don't ever forget that!

With all My heart, I love you,

GOD

Power

2005-07-22T14:09:00.000-07:00

I realized today that I let other people have way too much control over me. I allow their actions and words to effect my day. Hateful words, or thoughtlessness cause me to respond in a way I don't like.

I hate that people in my life that I care about can reduce me to tears and ruin my day.

I realize now though that I still have control over just how MUCH I let that control me.

They say that knowing is half the battle... well now all I need to do is figure out the other half. The part where I don't LET it get to me.

Anger

2005-07-16T07:30:00.000-07:00

I am going through a tough time right now. I lost my daddy March 1. My mother who is by nature a very selfish person was his primary care giver. This could have been a time when she redeemed herself, instead my sisters and I watched her like a hawk.

She resented looking after my dad. She would often make him wait to get up until she was damn good and ready. She was always in control. She never out and out abused him by hitting him or anything like that. Their entire married life was her throwing fits and having her way, and if she didn’t get her way she would leave. Not a stable home life for children. I once asked my daddy why he stayed and he said, for you girls. He also said that he stayed because he meant for marriage to last a lifetime. It did.

What is bothering me now is that suddenly my mother is rewriting history. They had the PERFECT marriage, she was the PERFECT wife. She was a SAINT taking care of him, putting his needs first. Now she is the pitiful widow, pining after her departed husband. This is all bull.

People outside the family might buy it, but I don’t know who she is trying to kid among the family. I can only guess that she feels guilty now for the way she treated him, and in her mind is fixing it.

Last night she calls to tell me that she went nbought his tombstone…. Fancy one, with beloved husband…. Blah blah blah,…. missed so much…. Blah blah blah so phony!

I find myself pulling further and further away. I don’t want to talk to her, let alone see her. I know this isn’t the way to go, but at this point the anger is winning.

Did you ever...

2005-07-15T13:34:00.000-07:00

have days were you just couldn't find the light switch?

Raising Sam

2005-07-12T11:20:00.000-07:00

I love to on occasion, tell stories of “stunts” my daughter pulled as she grew up. This generally has one of two responses…. Either “MOM!” or an enormous eye roll. I just laugh and tell her that is the only payment that mother’s get for having to live through these embarrassing moments.

I thought I would share a few of my favorites… Samantha was an imaginative child, complete with “Doogie” an imaginary friend.

When she was about 3 she, her father and I went to a new bank to open accounts. The bank was just across the road and up the block so we decided to walk. As we sat there in the chairs talking to this nice lady, our darling daughter is playing on the floor between us. After a couple of minutes she says “ something smells” I don’t think a lot about it and shush her. In a minute she says it again and I look around a little for a source of smell. Just as I look down to see that I have stepped in some dog poop, my darling daughter says in a loud voice “ Something smells … must be her” and is pointing at the lady across the desk! I am so embarrassed I wish to crawl under my seat. I mean what do you do? The lady was very nice and even reinforced the bad behavior by giving her a sucker…

There used to me a show on TV that my daughter loved...It was called Sharon, Lois and Bram’s Elephant Show and it was all about elephants. It had a cute theme song that she could sing and do a dance to and everyone though it was adorable. Well before long everything became a “dadgum elephant” we didn’t really think too much about that… until… one day we were at her paternal grandmother’s house. Grandma Sue stepped in front of Sam and wouldn’t let her get by… at which point my daughter called my mother-in-law a “dadgum elephant” Let’s just say Mother-in-law was NOT amused.

Oh and speaking of TV… there used to be a commercial for Pine-sol where a woman walks into a house and says” this house is sooooo dirty!” You guessed it ….. her great grandmother’s house!

One day while out driving she noticed at a busy intersection that there were a couple of crosses stuck in the ground. She was curious and asked about them. I explained to her that some people died there and that they put the markers there to remember them. She thought about this for a minute then says to me…. “But mom why did they bury them THERE?”

Oh the list goes on and on and on. … the day she got her head stuck in the iron fence because she wanted to watch the pool fill up, the invention known as the “electronical motorizer”, and the time her dad had her convinced she was a little boy….

She was great fun to raise! So Sam if you read this I love you, and thanks for the laughs and hugs, and kisses, and sweet memories.

Blogs

2005-07-12T04:42:00.000-07:00

I was thinking this morning about the different blogs that I read and why I read them all the time. I mean I go to some blogs and never go back, they mean nothing to me.

Then there are a few that touch my heart or that make me laugh. There are a few that I have things in common with and there are a few that I learn from.

I really only faithfully read 5 sites 4 of them are written by women. They have inspired me, they have made me cry, they have made me see things differently. They have made me grow. I am thankful for these women I have never meet and I hope that they write forever.

We are all at different stages of our lives. Some have little ones, some teens, I have a daugther in college. Some try to offer wisdom, and some evoke sweet memories. We ALL love our kids and try to be the best Mom's and women we can be.

Blessings to Christie Jo, Betty, Polly, Charlene and you too Brian.

Super Powers

2005-07-11T05:37:00.000-07:00

I have been watching a tv show called 4400 where 4400 people where abducted and then returned with some odd abilities... one can read the future, one can heal.... etc. Then I read Christie Jo's post this morning... and I get to thinking that MAYBE some of MY family were taken too... because they have...ummm abilities too!

Grandpa Vic has the ability to make you smile, at 84 he is still child like! He loves my Ipod filled with oldies.

My Mom has the ability to push all my buttons AT ONCE.

Grandma Mary Ann has the ability to tell a story 15 times, apparently not remembering that she has told it before.

Jami has the ability to produce the cutest little girl EVER.

Pam has the ability of a quick wit... you will NOT get the better of her.

Aunt Nancy has two... the gift of a healing hug and a very tender heart.

Laken has the ability to make you feel better just by holding her.

Bobbette has the ability to progagate prolifically. lol

Beth has the ability to tune out anyone she wants.

Aunt Sue has an infectious laugh.

My dad had the ability to be "hard of hearing" one minute and be able to hear a whisper in the other room the next!

PapPaw had the ability to make the best moonshine in 4 counties. lol

MamMaw had the ability to cook, oh but she made the best biscuits.

My abiltity you ask? Well I am not sure.... I can pinch with my toes.... I can say the alphabet backward... I can hold an entire family tree in my head. I can .... hmmm.....

Fact is we all have something special about us... some are just a little more "special" than others....

Today's lesson .....

2005-07-08T17:44:00.000-07:00

I really must learn to give up all my expectations of people. No expectations means no disappointments.

Questions that I have

2005-07-07T22:35:00.000-07:00

I wanted to write something profound, something comforting in some small way to everyone about the events of yesterday in London. I have been thinking about it all day just as many others have. I have made no progress in understanding it.

There is so much hatred in the world that at times it seems hopeless. Then you see the people on the steets trying to care for each other in these ever increasing tragedies. That seems to be the only, tiniest glimmer of hope I see.

So many questions... why are we hated for things that we sometimes can not even control? We are hated for the place of our birth, for our native language, for our ethnic backgrounds. We are hated for our religion and our lifestyles.

We are hated as a group, it doesn't matter WHO we are or WHAT we are. We are not them so we must be punished, and terrorized.

Another thing occured to me today as I watched the news. They covered this ALL day on CNN, when this stuff happens in Isreal it barely makes the front page. Why is that? Are we just complacent to that area and its strife? Or is it because it isn't Al Quada? It is still terrorism.

How is that people can be so consumed that are willing to die? I know I think about the people in our country that died for THEIR beliefs... is it just that their beliefs are the same as mine that it is easier to understand? Our men as a rule didn't take out innocent men, women and chilren to make a point.

How can you kill in the name of your god? I am not a student of Islam, I don't really know there beliefs. All I know is that I, like most people see it as a religion of hate and violence and I wonder how it is that that is supposed to make people want to join them. I guess it boils down to the the fact that they have a common enemy.

How can a religion or society get to a point where life means NOTHING... theirs or anyone elses?

You know what? I don't understand and I hope that I never reach a place that I do.
Forgive my ramblings...

Pure as the driven Sno.... Cone

2005-07-05T12:26:00.000-07:00

I had my first Sno cone of the summer today. As I stood in line awaiting my turn I intentley studied my choices..... would it be Watermelon, Peach, Cotton Candy, Strawberry or Tutti Frutti. The choices were endless.

The sun was beating down on my head as the kids in front of me where making their choices and I could here the sound of the machine shaving the ice that would make up the cold, sweet treats. I could smell the sweet syrups that gave that ice it's rich, sweet, sticky taste. The little hut was air conditioned and so each time the lady would open the window we all leaned a little closer to the hut to feel the cool air kiss our cheeks.

Finally it was my turn, I had my money ready and my mind all made up... or did I? What if I pick one and then end up wishing I had picked another? I told myself that there is always another day to get a different flavor. I am not sure I believed myself, I sighed and told the lady I wanted a Tutti Frutti... she left the window open as she shaved the ice and I swear I could SMELL the ice. My mouth was watering in anticipation... She finished shaping the ball and poured that delicious red juice all over it. Then she stuck a spoon in it and handed it to me. I paid the lady and hurried to the cool air conditioning of my car.

As I sat in the small parking lot, I used the spoon to chip off the first cold, icy chunk and put it into my mouth. As the flavored ice lay on my tongue I realized that I had indeed made the right choice in flavor.... However I will need to check out the others just to make sure.....

Today

2005-07-01T19:10:00.000-07:00

It is said that the students of Buddhism believe that neither yesterday nor tomorrow exist, that there is only today.

So why do I live my life so effected by the past? Haunted by past hurts and past abuses. Why does the past color my perception on myself, why does it sneak in and make me second guess myself?

I am still pondering this. I would like to think that the past is dead, and in a lot of ways it is. It can no longer hurt me, at least physically. I wish that the past COULD be nonexistent to me. I wish that all the painful, sad, and hurtful memories would just disappear when I went to sleep at night.

The main trouble with that is that I learned from pain, and hurt. It still is part of me and makes up who I am.

Tomorrow doesn't exist either.... well, I might get more done it I though today was it. I might life my life a little different. I might take more time with the people I love. I might not let the little things in life drive me nuts. Yes, I can see how this would be a good thing. This only having today no tomorrow.

I will continue to think on this... I am thinking there is a lot of wisdom here. I know that the past is dead, I don't live it everyday ... but it is still there in my nightmares, and in my flashes of anger.

I know that the real gist of this is that you can't do anything about regrets and I know this as well as anyone. As I read it though the thoughts of things that were done to me were what came to mind, and how I could like for them to be nonexistent. I get weary in the struggle to keep them laying at Jesus' feet. I do wonder at times, what I would have been like had I been allowed to grow up whole and unabused.

It is hard to not question God on this it is hard to leave my broken heart and broken dreams in his hands.

Lord help me to just live TODAY.

Disposable People

2005-06-27T08:50:00.000-07:00

I was thinking over the weekend that in our society people have become disposable. I am not talking about the disregard for life that is rampant in the world today... that is a whole other blog entry. I am talking about how quickly we are to throw away relationships.... all relationships. Parents and kids... down to people you never meet but talk to only online.

Parents and children don't get along on an issue and they become estranged, sometimes forever or until it is too late. They forget what is was that caused the estrangement in the first place, but it is easier to stay mad.

Friends lets the silliest things come between them, or they become lazy in the relationship and let it die. Sometimes they let other people come between them.

There are far more casual relationships, with the internet you can be friends with people you never actually lay eyes on. You can learn from people half way around the world, you can learn their culture and try to understand them better. To dispose of these relationships all you need to go is put them on ignore or simply not respond if they upset you.

We have decided that to tell someone that we were wrong is a weakness. We have decided that forgiveness is for sissies. We have decided that we are the most important people and that OUR needs come first. We can't be bother anymore to cultivate lifelong relationships.

We are poorer for it.

Population 1,236

2005-06-21T16:01:00.000-07:00

I have lived most all of my life in small towns. Places where people knew your name and when they asked you how you are, they really DID want to know.

As a child in a small town, everyone looked out for you. You were safe to ride your bike down the street, or play hide and seek in the dark. If you needed something it was perfectly safe to go to the nearest house. I can't tell you how many times I wiped out on my bike and had someone elses mom clean me up. Everyone's parents knew everyone elses and it was really community parenting. LOL if you misbehaved you were likely to get swatted by the nearest parent, and if they didn't .. you can bet your bottom dollar that your mom knew before you even got home that you had misbehaved.

I did things as a child in this little town that causes me nightmares now. My little sister and I could leave the house in the morning on our bikes and be gone all day long. I don't think that my mom worried, every other kid did it too. We would meet up somewhere and play kickball in the street. Whoever lived closest to where we were that day was kinda the host. That mom would let us use the bathroom, would generally give us kool-aid, and if we were lucky ... she would turn on the sprinklers for us to run through.

You went to school with the same kids the whole time, every year you knew them. Once in a great while to our great curiousity a new student would enroll. Then the fight over whose new friend they would be would start! LOL There was nothing you didn't know about these kids. When it came time to date.... trust me you had SEEN their awkward stage and their most embarassing moments. There was no hiding the past! lol

There, of course, were bad things about living in a small town as well. Everyone knew your business, and if you missed a week of church they certainly wanted to know why! There was no new blood to date or get to know. The rich kids grew up married the other rich kids and ran their daddy's businesses. They would soon grow restless divorce and marry another person they had known there whole lives. The security of these little towns is hard for some to leave. Big fish in a little pond and all that.

But I did leave that little town, I lived in the city for a while, but now I am back to a different little town. The place where the bakery is the gathering place for coffee, and they say your name when you walk in. lol where wal-mart is THE place to be, and where a fish fry or a chili cook off is a big deal. Where I wasn't afraid to let my daughter go for a walk, or be out after dark. I am not as close to or as open to the adults here as my parents were back then, I think those times are past. That is sad in a way, no more sitting in the yard and talking to the neighbors, or getting together to play cards. We are much to technologically centered for that now, we think we need way more stimulation than visiting, or cards.

Given the choice though, I will live out the rest of my life in a little town and be buried in a little country cemetery among all the people who knew my name.

Here's the story of a goat named Milton

2005-06-20T08:26:00.000-07:00

Milton came to live with me a couple of years ago. He was the CUTEST little thing. He was a few months old, almost completely white and had little horns. He was smaller at that time than all my dogs. The first night home the dogs didn't quite know what to think of this funny looking little "dog". They barked at him and growled at him, but Milton went on chewing grass until one got on his nerves. Milton put his little head down and charged! LOL headbutted the ringleader among my dogs. Buster (the dog) sat there looking confused. That was a turning point in the relationship between the dogs and the goat.

Mitlon was certainly a conversation starter. People walking down the road would stop and ask about him, the kid in the next house would come over the see the "GOG" and pet him. Once a repair guy was here and was being helped even so sweetly by the dogs... when he absent mindedly reached down to pet one, he felt horns! LOL scared him to death.

We loved Milton to death, and he us. If we opened the door he tried to come in to visit. Getting him out was no big deal when he was a kid, but after he grew up it was a different story. You all have heard stubborn as a goat, yes well it is true. Milton also had a great sense on humor. It was not unusual to drive home and see Milton sitting in the seat on the lawn mower as if to drive it. He also thought is great fun to stand on top of the dog house. He ran, along with the dogs, to meet us at the gate when we returned home.

Milton kept the yard trimmed, we have an acre fenced and he did a great job. He also developed a taste for peach tree leaves. That tree has never been the same,he would eat up as far as he could stretch then bend the tree over to get the rest.

As Milton grew the things he did as a kid became painful ... if you were standing outside and he wanted attention he would put his little head down and put it against your leg and push hard. Well now that would knock you over. Those horns that were little and cute, were know big and curved. His brushing his head against you to scratch his horns now gored you.

We had never had Milton castrated we never saw the need, and perhaps that was a bad thing. However, it would become Milton's saving grace. It because apparent that Milton couldn't stay with us anymore he was just too big and could now hurt us. We talked to the vet in town, and shortly after a man called us. He wanted Milton to live with him and help breed little baby Boer goats. We were happy that Milton would be happy in his new harem... lol

I still miss the little guy and his little tail that he wagged like a dog. Everytime I see that peach tree... I think of Milton and his little family of Nanny goats.

Today's Lesson

2005-06-19T19:04:00.000-07:00

... is about moving on... not always understanding but moving on anyway.

Father's Day

2005-06-17T11:22:00.000-07:00

I know that Father's Day is still 2 days away but I need to do this now. This is the first Father’s Day without my Daddy. He passed away on March 1, 2005 after a battle with lung and bone cancer. I want so badly to pick up the phone and call him, to shoot the breeze with him, or play our favorite game.... ok now how are you kin to this man? lol

He was an amazing man. He worked in the oil field and drove a truck all his life. He only went to the 10th grade, dropping out to help take care of his family. He was one of 5 kids. His father had lost his arm in a logging accident when he was a child, and times were very hard.

He was a man of his word, if he said it he MEANT it, whether it was a handshake deal or promised punishment. He was strong and self-sufficient. He battled several devastating illnesses in his lifetime, and be rights should have died long before he did. He was made of strong stuff.

His legacy... he had 4 daughters, and 8 grandchildren who thought he hung the moon and stars. He taught us right from wrong, kindness and compassion, all by his example. He taught us how to face life's trouble head on. He taught us how to see things through and how to forgive. He taught us love through actions. He taught us responsibility and doing something because it was the right thing to do.

To me he taught the love of baseball, the love of family history and the joy of laughter. The last few days I was with him he told me that he loved that I laughed so much. I cherish that. He taught me to see the beauty in nature, and how to bait a hook. How to work the lawn mower and how to change a bike tire. He taught me the difference in a curve ball and a knuckle ball, and explained the infield fly rule so many times! He helped me find old lost over grown family cemeteries and homesteads. He helped me find ME.

The last few days I had with him are so precious to me... if you are lucky enough to still be able to call your dad, do it. There will be a time when you wish you could...

Contented ...

2005-06-15T11:42:00.000-07:00

I have come to believe that contentment is a gift from God. I have been lacking it in my life alot lately. There have been things in my life the last 6-8 months that made it hard to be contented. I find that when I try to control things in my life I lose the contentment. Acceptance is really the only thing that brings it to me. Letting go and letting God decide what is best for me, and those that I love.

Being contented is not about not caring, it is not about settling, and it is not about giving up. It is about caring but understanding the limits of what you can do. It is about wanting what you have and not chasing the newest thing or the next relationship. It is about continuing to fight for what you do what or need but knowing that you will still be happy or fulfilled if it doesn't happen like you want.

Contentment is being able to enjoy the things in your life without feeling the need to be doing something more.... something to get ahead of the masses or something to impress people. Those things steal your contentment and they still your joy. People often label contented people as complacent, they seem to be happy with life and don't have the huge drive that takes over some people to the point where they are stressed and unhappy. They aren't complacent they just do not feel the same need to compete.

Being contented doesn't mean that you don't dream ... it is just knowing they are called DREAMS for a reason. It is about being realistic, and bring ok with it.

Today I feel blessed because my contentment has returned, I am accepting, I am happy, and I am letting God handle things. As well I should....

If I were a carpenter... no no no thats not right!

2005-06-13T17:10:00.000-07:00

From Betty...

Here's how it works:Pick 5 of the following questions and then complete the sentences. Then pass it on to 3 more of your blog friends! (No tag backs allowed.)
If I could be a scientist?
If I could be a farmer?
If I could be a musician?
If I could be a doctor?
If I could be a painter?
If I could be a gardener?
If I could be a missionary?
If I could be a chef?
If I could be an architect?
If I could be a linguist?
If I could be a psychologist?
If I could be a librarian?
If I could be an athlete?
If I could be a lawyer?
If I could be an inn-keeper?
If I could be a professor?
If I could be a writer?
If I could be a llama-rider?
If I could be a bonnie pirate?
If I could be an astronaut?
If I could be a world famous blogger?
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world?
If I could be married to any current famous political figure?
Here are my choices:

If I were a painter I would be a terrible cliche... I would be in heaven sitting in Paris, painting the Eiffel as it glowed in the late evening sun. Watching as the water colors blend into each other to make a work of art.

If I were a astronaut I would take the world series ball... the last out of the RedSox - Cardinals series and leave it on the moon. There by assuring that it will never end up in the hands of George or any yankee fan! LOL GO SOX!

If I were a writer I would write all the family history that I know, all the lore and myths and passed down tales and I would write a novel. It would span from 1650 to present, from docking in New York to living in Texas.

If I were a doctor I would remember that there is more treating a patient than medicine. That the spirit is a part of the whole, and needs tending as well at times.

If I were an architect I would tear down yankee stadium and build a nice new mental hospital... that way when all the yankee fans showed up for the game... they would STILL be in the right place.

Quilting

2005-06-11T08:56:00.000-07:00

I am a quilter. I love the whole process of taking something, cutting it up and resewing it make it somthing totally different. I have discovered that sometimes a fabric that you wouldn't normal pick for yourself for a garment, will look beautiful in a quilt. Sometimes you only need a small amount of one fabric to make an impact.

Life is like quilting... some fabric you love, some life experiences you love. Others not so much... like that fabric you aren't crazy about. However if you leave out that fabric the quilt is flat with no movement. No pop. Life is like that if you only have the nice, soft pretty experiences you are a flat person.

If you take all the fabric and put them together in a pattern and look at the big picture they all make a beautiful design. So do all the experiences in your life, even the ones that left you scarred and broken.

The problem is that life, as with quilting... as you are working on it you can't always tell what the outcome will be. It isn't until the parts are finished and assembled that you get to step back and look at what you have done... just like hindsight is 20/20.

Quilts ... unless you are a master quilter, are full of small mistakes, the blocks are just a tiny bit off, the stitches could be tighter and more even. The funny thing is that the only person who made the quilt is the only one who sees these small imperfections. So we need to remember that the small mistakes in our lives that we beat ourselves up over and only noticed by ourselves. We are always the hardest on ourselves...

Country to my toes...

2005-06-09T10:42:00.000-07:00

I went out this morning on a drive. The main reason for this drive was to take pitures of the area to send to a friend that lives in Seattle. He has never been here and he is always sending me links to beautiful pictures of Mt. Rainer and the sites of Seattle. Well I live in the country and there are no tower cams out here to show the beauty of my home. So I set out with my camera.

As I am driving I look around for the things I love about Texas... the fact that you can see for miles and miles. I tried to take a picture of that but you just can't. You can not capture how far you can see. Undaunted I drove on.... I saw shadows racing across the ground unbroken by trees. The clouds dancing across the sky and neither of those could be captured either. I saw a huge flock of birds take off and make different shapes in the sky... /sigh it didn't translate well either.

I drove on. Then I started to see Texas wildflowers.. not the bluebonnets, those are gone. I saw puple cone flowers, sunflowers, Indian paint brushes, and black eyed susans. I took pictures and they were nice ... but they just didn't compare to the real thing. Then I saw a field of freshly cut hay, oh the smell I love it! They were bailing it, and the scene was beautiful. I took the picture, but I couldn't send that smell. Then I came upon a small herd of cows hundled under a tree for shade...it is a great piture, it made me smile. I couldn't send the sound of the birds and the sound of the creek though. Then I saw a windmill, old and rusty, beautiful in my eyes. It was beside a stock tank and I snapped the pic... but I can't send the sound of that rusty windmill turning ever so slowly in the wind. Lastly I saw 4 colts with their mommas. It was a precious picture, but you know what .. there is no way to show someone how soft their noses are with a picture.

I sent the pictures through email. We do everything so easily and quickly these days. For the most part that is a good thing. I am thankful for it... BUT it does strip some of the sweetest things from life. It strips the senses and the feelings, the swell of the heart and the smell of life. I told him he will just have to come to Texas to understand why I love it, because there is no camera on earth that will capture my heart when I look at these things.

I object!

2005-06-06T12:53:00.000-07:00

The Supreme court today ruled that sick people can not have marijuana. This was not a question of making the drug legal. This was strictly for medicinal purposes. I don't understand.

I lost my sweet little Daddy on March 1st. If marijuana would have for one sec eased his suffering I would have gotten it for him. Legally or otherwise. They gave him things far worse... morphine and hydrocodone both of which are highly addictive. But had he needed marijuana ... no way Jose. Where is the logic.

I am sure that there are people that say it would be abused.... like the aboved mentioned aren't? They are now prescribing thalidomide again.... anyone know what that did to unborn babies? The FDA is recalling every drug under the sun for side effects. This drug causes heart attacks ... this one might cause cancer. All of this is an everyday happening... but you ask for marijuana for a disease treatment and great Caesar's ghost!

I may make a few people upset but I just think that if it is ok to kill an unborn baby with abortion you ought to be able to have marijuana if you need it. How can they be so liberable on one thing then so conservative on another?

I have never smoked marijuana but I want it there if it is a treatment option and as to abuse lets just say IF I had to choose I would rather my daughter smoke an illegal joint than to get hooked on legal hydrocodone.

Jeez

Simple Joys

2005-06-03T07:01:00.000-07:00

Baby laughs
The smell of baking bread
Making all the green lights
Squirrels in the yard
The smell of fresh cut grass
An old song that you know all the words to
Drumming on your steering wheel at the stop light
The feel of the air conditioner the first time you turn it on for the summer
The smell of rain
Good friends
A good steak
A good book
Iced tea .... yes sweet... there isn't any other kind in the south
The feel of sheets line dried in the sun
Ice cold watermelon
The first stretch of the morning
The smile of a loved one
Snow
The Ocean
Finding your memory box and going through it
Crickets and Fireflies
Sleeping late
Bubble baths
Pecan Pie
Picking peaches
Hugs
Sappy movies

So many things in life that are free or cost little, and are uncomplicated. Hope that you enjoy some of the simple joys too.

Reality Check

2005-05-31T17:26:00.000-07:00

I volunteer at a relief shelter. I do it for a lot of reasons. It makes me thankful, it makes me feel like I make a difference, and it makes me stay in touch with reality.

I am blessed, as most of us are. We all take a lot of things for granted. Simple everyday things... things that are really luxuries to some people in this country and unheard of to people in other countries. A man came in today and needed a toothbrush! A TOOTHBRUSH! You could tell by looking at him that hygiene products were hard to come by. I was told that a lot of people get foodstamps but that doesn't cover stuff like soap, shampoo and toothpaste. Most people simply don't think about donating those things, and the funding they receive from the United Way isn't to be used for that. One woman was given a big thing of laundry detergent .... you would have thought that we gave her the washer and dryer to go with it!

I am always amazed at the level of poverty in America. America ... the land of plenty. There isn't supposed to be poverty in countries where some of their citizens drive cars that are a more than some counties yearly budget! You may say there isn't anyone like that around here.... I thought that too. After all there isn't supposed to be need in MY community, or in YOUR community. That is supposed to be somewhere else. You know the big cities, like New York. And it isn't supposed to be people that look like you or me. They are supposed to be drunks or druggies. They aren't supposed to have kids.

Some people don't see and some don't want to see it. It is easier to say "well they could do better if they just would!" it is easier to write a neat little check and help but not really see it.

Some people say " if you give them money they will just drink with it". The thing is that God says give... he doesn't say anything about what they do with it. I think that is between them and God.

I just think to myself there but for the grace of God go I.

*putting away my soapbox now*

Best Friends

2005-05-29T20:39:00.000-07:00

Can one person really be everything that a person needs in the friendship department?

My best friend is a man, and I think he is wonderful. He gives great advise, he listens, he can present the otherside of a situation. He is ALWAYS there for me. Can he, however, REALLY understand some of the things I deal with? Can I REALLY understand the things he deals with. We both try very hard to understand and sympathize with the other. Let's face it though, he is not going to go shoe shopping with me, and I am not going to go hunting with him.

Lest ya'll think this is strictly a gender issue, I question if a woman friend can be everything too. I mean there are people I know that are different things to me. What I might discuss with one of them I wouldn't with another. They are all great and the are supportive in there own ways.

I still occasionally dream about my best friend from 3rd grade, she was there at a tough time in my life. I haven't seen or talked to her in 25 years, she obviously left a mark in my life though. I guess that is really what friends are for, to leave a mark in your life. To help you up the hill, an you them. A person to tell your secrets to, if you are lucky enough to find someone you trust that much.

My best friend is the keeper of my secrets and I his. I am lucky, to have found what I believe is the closest thing to a perfect friend. Is he everything I need? He sure tries to be. For that and for him I am thankful.

Roots....

2005-05-26T22:15:00.000-07:00

Do you know who you come from? A lot can be learned from your past. Things to be proud of and things that you wonder about.

I am always amazed at the strength and courage that it had to have taken to leave the country of your birth and go to a new land. An unsettled one, an unknown place. These were strong, brave people. To make a new life out of nothing, and to start with only the barest of essentials.

Oh, the things I found in my family tree. In the distant past there were Patriots and Tories. Heros and cowards. Civil War soldiers on both sides, as well as slave owners, and even a deserter! There was a signer of the Declaration of Independance, a President, a governor, a counterfiter, and a moonshiner.

In the more recent past there is a family member named Daisey Mae Yoakum... when I found her I seriously contemplated stopping my search, as I was afraid of finding the rest of the Dogpatch gang. I didn't want to be kin to L'il Abner.

I found out things about my PapPaw. Such as he is buried in two cemteries... well there is a part of him in each one. Specifically an arm in one and the rest in another. I found out that his still is still out in the woods behind my folks house, and that he once spent time in jail for bootlegging moonshine.

Most of my Daddy's family have lived in the same area for a couple of hundred years and the heritage is very rich. These towns were built my my family. I am kin to EVERYONE. The cemteries are full of my family names, and the streets bear our names.

I am proud of where I came from, the good and the bad. I hope that in 100 years that someone finds out something interesting about me and that they are proud of the things that I add to the family story.

Getting older...

2005-05-24T18:24:00.000-07:00

I am learning the hard way that my body is getting older. It doesn't get well as quick as it used to. It takes longer to get back into the swing of things and I don't even want to think about the day when I can go back to the gym. That will be a painful process.

I guess the trade off in body and mind happens here. I would like to think that as I grow older I grow wiser. That the years have taught me well, and that the experience isn't wasted. That the scars will serve as reminders of lessons.

We all have scars. Some outside and some inside. You can look at scars in many ways. Some will say they have their beauty, some will say they are ugly. All I know is that scar tissue is the toughest and strongest tissue the body can make. You have to earn scar tissue by making it through something tough.

Friday the 13th, superstitions and luck

2005-05-13T10:08:00.000-07:00

Here it is the worse possible day! Or is it? I think it is just another day, but there are those who would disagree. Some people firmly believe in superstitions, and so I decided to took for some examples in a place that I KNEW they existed. Baseball.

These superstitions fall into several categories...

The gross.... Babe Ruth and the Yankees went on a hitting frenzy soon after a jar of pickled eel made by Lou Gehrig's mother arrived in the club house. Of course this was the reason for their sucess and so before each game the all had to eat pickled eel. EWWW

There are some that are pretty benign... DiMaggio and Mays would always step on 2nd base on the way to the outfield... as where Tony Phillips tried to keep his team mates from touching third base as they left the field.

Some are about order... Jackie Robinson would never step into the batters box until the catcher was in postition. And, Cartlon Fisk would never enter the dugout until the national anthem had been played.

Some make no sense at all.... Leo Cardenas was in a prolonged hitting slump so he took all his bats, locking them in the trunk of his car and vowed until they got better they couldn't come out. During the final game of the 1982 World Series Pete Vukovich called a time out to change one of his shoes, so that it would not match the other one. This was to no avail, they lost.

And then there are those born of desperation.... During a long losing streak the Yankees manager Billy Martin pulled the starting line up from a baseball cap... and had great results!

Do I belive in these things? No. I think that luck is what you make it. I belive that people who appear lucky work hard. I believe that the rain falls on the just and the unjust, they are just lessons that we learn while we are here. Hard knocks are a part of life and make us who we are. Battlescars and brusies are our badges of honor, and wisdom is our reward.

How could I ask for more?

2005-05-09T17:15:00.000-07:00

There's nothing like the warmth of a summer afternoon, waking to the sunlight, being cradled by the moon. Catching fireflies at night, building castles in the sand, kissing Momma's face goodnight and holding Daddy's hand.

Thank you Lord... How could I ask for more?

Running barefoot through the grass and a little hide and go seek. Being so in love that you can hardly eat. Dancing in the dark when there's no one else around. Being bundled beneath the covers, watching snow fall to the ground.

Thank you Lord... How could I ask for more?

So many things I thought would bring me happiness, some dreams that are realities today. Such an irony the things that mean the most to me are the memories that I made along the way.

If there's anything I've learned from this journey I walk... The simple truth will keep you going, simple love will keep you strong. There are questions without answers and flames that never die. And heartaches we go through are often blessings in diguise.

So... Thank you Lord.... How could I ask for more?

-- Cindy Morgan